That Awkward Silence; It Takes Just Four Seconds to Get There

We've all experienced it -- that awkward pause in the middle of a conversation. You know the one that maybe follows an odd comment that causes everyone to look around and try to think of something to say. Or maybe it's the deadend of the conversation on a first date,Rift Gold and you can't think of anything else to ask or talk about. What's going on here?

Namkje Koudenburg, a Dutch psychologist at the University of Groningen, may have uncovered the reasoning behind this common and dreaded social scenario and why it takes us just four seconds to get to the point of awkwardness. According to Koudenburg, a flowing conversation provides people with a sense of belonging and self-esteem.

"Social needs can be satisfied in a flowing conversation, such as the need to belong, the need to feel self-assured, RIFT Platinumand the need for social validation," said Koudenburg in her study.

"When you have a silence like that, it's latent with negative feelings," adds Dr. Bonnie Jacobson, author, clinical psychologist, relationships expert and spokeswoman for the American Psychological Association. "Awkwardness means that everyone knows there's something that someone's not saying."

Koudenburg and her colleagues conducted two experiments to determine the effect of silence on social needs. In the first,rift gold researchers observed 102 subjects during scripted conversations in which individuals were given a scenario to read. During the exchange, a selected individual was scripted to interject a controversial comment. The test subjects who imagined the conversation with a brief pause felt more anxious, rejected and less self-assured.

The group that smoothly carried the conversation through the odd remark reported feelings of agreement and also expressed that their opinions felt more reinforced.

Here's the kicker -- there was not any actual difference in what was said in the two conversations.RIFT Platinum Both groups experienced the same conversation. The only difference was the awkward pause.

The second experiment involved showing test subjects a video of two conversations. In one video, the conversation proceeded smoothly; however, the other video exhibited a conversation broken by a brief silence lasting four seconds. Test subjects who watched the video of the broken conversation reported feeling less self-assurance, rejection and exclusion.

All results pointed to the conclusion that people are particularly sensitive to rejection signals from their peers. Researchers suggest this may be the result of the evolutionary importance of individual survival among groups. Kodenburg concluded that a pleasant flow of conversation helps give people a sense of belonging as well as a sense of social validation.

So what do you do next time you find yourself the victim of an awakwrd pause in conversation? When it happens,TERA Gold Koudenburg suggests that conversation participants take time to establish and address what brought about the pause instead of trying to rush through the uncomfortable moment. She also reminds us to keep in mind that everyone who is experiencing this slight social hiccup is also feeling uncomfortable just like you.

Jacobson says that when she is involved in a conversation where there is an awkward silence, she will interject with a comment like "No one is talking much" or "Someone's not saying something ..."

"It just lightens things," Jacobson explains. "At least you're acknowledging that there's an elephant in the room, and you won't walk out feeling awkward."